Scenario
NOCER Productions' "Holy Grail VI: If Crown Fits... "
By Dale Ford
Apr 12, 2008, 17:01

Andy "Backdoor" Graham

The 1970's were an interesting time in US History with the height of the Cold War, Jimmy Carter, gas rationing, and the Ford Pinto dominating people's thoughts.  One bright spot during this time of great malaise was Monty Python and his Flying Circus, a troupe of British actors and comedians that took comedy to its' silly extreme.  Their seminal work was "Quest for the Holy Grail", produced in 1974.

The movie was set in medieval England, and NOCER Productions Kristie and Andy Graham and head referrree Allen Smith set to turn Old River Paintball's 60 acres into olde England.  In the movie, the English King sets forth to find the Holy Grail.   For this game, the wives of the French and English kings are in charge.  Sue Grindle playing "La Petite Chienne" led the French side, while Candace Skinner played "Queen Ivana" for the English side.  Real life husband Craig Grindle played second fiddle to La Petite Chienne as Gooye de Lambomba.  On the English side, Skinner's real life husband Mike was playing one of this year's two rabbits, so Black Beret "Chewie" took on the part of Queen Ivana's husband, King Arthur. 

Queen La Petite Chienne

200+ participants showed up for ridiculous fun at this year's game, and the event started Friday night with a costume contest, and Doom Trooper Jason "My-T-Mouse" Hall pf Mousetrap Radio fame held a "My-T-Dart" contest for charity.   He brought down a regulation electronic dart board and competitors competed for prizes while donating to the American Cancer Society. 

On Saturday morning, players gathered around to get into the mood for the game as Andy Graham told the story of the game, including the special players for this event.  This year's Killer Rabbits would be played by Mike Skinner and Jamie Crawford.  The Killer Rabbit can only be killed by the Holy Hand Grenade, which the teams would only see later in the game.  In the meantime, provoking the rabbits was a sure way to take a walk off of the field.  Also on hand were the Knights who say 'NI', being played by the Rabid Woodpeckers.  While it was possible to eliminate the Knights, they had shields to protect them, and they were all medics, able to heal even head shots. 

After setting the mood, Head Ref Allen Smith introduced team Ghost Core, who would be handling the officiating for this weekend's event.  After going through the special rules and characters for this game, he handed back the mic to Andy.

Queen Ivana

RAP 4 and 68Caliber.Com had donated to the pre-game drawing, with RAP 4 donating one of their tactical vests for a lucky player to use during the game, and 68Caliber.Com donated a Tippmann/US Army Alpha Black Tactical marker.  With that, the Generals were brought up front to motivate their troops and advance the storyline.  First up was the French La Petite Chienne, played by Doom Trooper Sue Grindle.  She motivated her subjects while last year's "King of the Retards" complained in the background that he no longer had Tater Tots and was now forced into eating French fries with the French.

Game on was at high noon, and the sides got set up in their castles and teams like South Beach Pimps, Dark Legion, Doom Troopers, Heavy Hitters and Anger Management hit the field to start taking ground and solving the mysteries of the game.  Missions included taking or holding the Anarchosyndicalist Commune, getting treasure from the Capitol Building of Assyria and the infamous sword fight with the Black Knight at the Bridge of Death.  Played again by NOCER Production's Andy Graham, the Black Knight was victorious by default, because neither Queen dared to send a worthy knight to challenge him.

Rabbits hard at work

As the day wore on, the English managed to blow the French Base, and while some serious assaults were made on the English Base, they were repulsed.  The day wore on until the pre-dinner battle cease fire.  At 6:00, the French were in their castle while the English were in the field towards the Forest of Despair.  The mission was to recreate a scene from the movie where King Arthur and a French Knight negotiated to give food and a place to stay for the night.  Queen Ivana had no more luck than Arthur did in the movie, and finally she ordered her knights to charge the castle and take it by force.  Despite repeated vicious attacks on the castle, the French held it from the English.

Players came off field to get some dinner, re-hydrate and re-chronograph their markers to the NOCER-mandated 250 feet per second.  The score to this point made it a close game, with the English holding a mere 140 point lead on the French.   Florida's typically skittish spring weather turned for the worse as night play was set to begin, and while both sides had command staff in the castles at game on, no players were on-field, so the Generals decided to shut down night play at 9:15 PM.

The morning, the food vendor on site sold quite a bit of Cuban Coffee (cafe con leche) to players trying to wake up for the day.  The Killer Rabbits finally fell to the Holy Hand Grenades tossed at them by both the French and English Knights, sending them to bunny heaven.  Both teams were given quests by The Knights Who Say 'NI' to chop down the largest tree in the forest with herrings, and the Intel teams continued working on locating the Holy Grail for their queens. 

Luigi The Beast doing work

At 11:30, another Cease Fire was called so both sides could come off-field and get paint and air for the final battle for the Holy Grail.  It had been located on the grounds of The Capitol Building of Assyria.  Only a Holy Man could touch the Grail, so the quest for both teams was to control the area surrounding the Grail when the game was over at 1PM.  The Knights Who Say 'NI' were reincarnated as French players, while the two rabbits sprung back to life as South Beach Pimps playing for the English.  At 12:00, the horn was sounded and the fight was on for the Holy Grail.   After lots and lots of Procaps Rec-Sport being slung back and forth, the English held the grounds and the Holy Grail.

Everyone came off-field to start cleaning up and get ready for the prize drawing and to hear from the Generals.  Interestingly enough, neither side cared to hear who won.  As it turned out, the English did win the game, with 2865 points to the French's 2350 points.  Then the Generals stepped up to give out their awards for the game:

For the French, Sue Grindle
X.O. Craig Grindle

Most Valuable Team:  Dixie Shots
Young Gun(s) Sammy and Kirk
Most Valuable Ref:  Gio
Most Valuable Intel:  Anger Management
Most Valuable Player:  Dave from Anger Management
Sportsmanship:  Melissa "Spankin'" Hall

For the English, Candace Skinner
X.O. Chewie

Most Valuable Team:  Orlando Panther Elite
Young Gun(s) Tevin and George (AKA 'lil Pimp)
Most Valuable Ref:  Padre
Most Valuable Intel:  Dark Legion
Most Valuable Player:  Bryant Skinner
Sportsmanship:  Doom Troopers

Mad Bomber

After awarding the Generals their swords for all their hard work over the weekend, Andy Graham assisted by NOCER Cutest-Child-On-The-Planet Shelbie Graham, called player numbers for prizes donated by NOCER Productions' sponsors Gen-X Global, Knight's Crossing Spacecoast Paintball, RAP 4, Spec Ops, 68Caliber.Com, Python Barrel Systems, Hard Corps Paintball, Flurry Industries,  Redz Comfort Gear, SPO Gear, American Paintball Supply, Murder, Inc. and JCS/Blackpoint Engineering. 

The next event on the NOCER Productions calender is "Chosin Few" a Korean War inspired game based on the experiences of Andy's father during that conflict.  It'll take place May 24th-25th at Old River Paintball near Ocklawaha, FL.

To see all of the pictures from this event, click HERE